Four Powerful Family Practices
We live in curious times. Much could be said about the nuances of political divisions, the raging culture war that is ongoing in our country, the tension created by hot conflicts overseas, and where we, as Christians, fit into all of this. With so much uncertainty, division, and tension around us, it can be difficult to know with certainty how we can make any kind of difference whatsoever. How can we find our way in this world of uncertainty? How can we, who have hearts to advance God’s Kingdom, have any sort of impact in this regard? What should I be doing every day? We can feel aimless, impotent, and ineffective.
In times like this, it is good to take a breath and look at what’s in front of you. Instead of looking at the globe, the nation, or the state, look at your local community where God’s providence has placed you. What is your sphere of influence? What are the Christian duties that you are called to fulfill wherever you are? For those with children, your biggest sphere of influence is, quite literally, right in front of you with your own kids! The glorious reality in this is that it immediately gives you something to do and focus on for the sake of advancing God’s Kingdom on the earth. There is a beautiful correlation between the cultural mandate and the Great Commission in that one of the ways the Great Commission gets fulfilled is by Christian families being fruitful, multiplying, and raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, thereby passing on their faith to the next generation and filling the earth with Christ followers. I point this out because sometimes, we Christians tend to forget this. We forget or even neglect our own children as a huge part of fulfilling the Great Commission. It is in this way that the Cultural Mandate is directly connected to the Great Commission. Of course, we are to share the Gospel with those outside of our own homes as well, but our own children must be remembered.
With all of this said, I want to encourage you in four family practices to ensure that our kids are in the nurture and admonition of the Lord on a routine basis.
Practice 1: Family Worship
It would be difficult for me to overstate the impact and importance of family worship in training the affections of your children. In other words, family worship tunes your child’s heart to their Creator. Training affections is actually a central difference in what we are trying to do in Christian classical education, but I’d like to encourage you by saying that just sending your kids to a school that embraces this philosophy is not enough. At Tall Oaks, we talk about school/parent partnership because we so deeply believe in the power of family government and the potency of God’s design. We hope that training affections happen both at school AND at home!
Family worship is not something we have always done as a family, but I’ll share a couple of interesting things that happened when we started. First of all, the appetite our kids had for family worship caught me off guard. Even after only doing family worship a couple of times, if we missed doing it for some reason, our kids asked whether we were going to do it and were clearly disappointed if we didn’t. Secondly, we have very young kids, so the amount of time we do family worship is quite short, but even with a short amount of time, there is a massive impact on their hearts. The family is more knit together in fellowship, and a Christian worldview is clearly being developed even if we only spend 5-10 minutes a night doing this. This will depend on the age of your kids, but think about the principle of “minimum effective dose.”
Practically speaking, this is how we structure family worship in our home:
Sing (Psalm, hymn, or spiritual song - I lead on guitar)
Catechism (Our family uses the Westminster Shorter Catechism and often learns it to recorded songs. You can, of course, use a catechism that fits your family’s theology)
Bible reading (I read a portion of scripture and lead some brief discussion)
Prayer (Sometimes just one person prays, or we all take turns praying for specific things)
A couple of resources we have found helpful:
Exhortation and guidance on family worship (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-i1K4D38YU)
Family Worship Bible Guide (https://a.co/d/bJKChcn)
Practice 2: Eat Together
It is certainly difficult to do every meal together, but a family gathering around a table, eating good food, and enjoying conversation is special. This is, in some sense, communion together as a family. It is not the Lord’s Supper, a sacrament done at church, but it certainly is a communion that knits the family closer together in a similar way that family worship does. I know for us, not every meal as a family looks or sounds the same. Sometimes the meal is very simple, sometimes we eat out, and sometimes we cook something more in-depth. Sometimes, the conversation is filled with joking and laughter. Sometimes, we talk about the highlights of our day and discuss ways God was glorified in us or others. Other times, the conversation is more somber as we share about some of the challenges or struggles we are facing. Regardless, the principle of eating together around a table is powerful, and we see this practice throughout the Old and New Testaments.
A variation to this is doing a special Sabbath dinner. For our family, these dinners are on Saturday nights as we prepare to worship with the church the following morning. With these dinners, we try to make it physically nicer. The meal is usually a more in-depth special meal, and we also go all out with dessert for this dinner. We work with our oldest kids to set the table nicely with a tablecloth, place settings, lap napkins, and candles. We listen to quiet music while we eat and enjoy the beauty of the meal together. It is physically, manifestly special, and we connect it to the spiritual truths of preparing our hearts to come together with our brothers and sisters in Christ the next day to worship the one true God. This meal also marks the beginning of our Sabbath rest, which we do from 5:00 pm on Saturdays to 5:00 pm on Sundays.
Practice 3: Monitor School Life
Schools function under the authority of the parents. Parents choose to send their child to a school, but the parents still have complete authority over their child as instituted by God. In school settings, we say that a school functions “In Loco Parentis,” meaning in the place of the parent. It is a voluntary partnership where the school supports the ultimate authority of the family. With this principle in mind, parents mustn’t give up that authority and should still take time to oversee the education of their children at home. Looking at newsletters, asking dinner table questions related to school, going over any necessary homework, and helping your child in areas where they may be struggling a bit more are all things that can be done to monitor your child’s school/academic life. The time this takes will likely ebb and flow as your child goes through their schooling because it will be dependent on where they have areas of strength and weakness, and it will also change as they grow, develop, and enter different stages of life.
Practice 4: Catechize Your Kids
It’s been said, “Catechize your kids, or someone else will.” The truth is, your children will be shaped and molded. They will learn things, they will develop habits, and their hearts will be won over by something. The question is not whether but which. Not whether their hearts will be won, but what their hearts will be won to. Not whether they will come to have conviction, but what they will be convicted by. Not whether they will develop habits, but which habits they will develop. Catechism helps with this, and as I have said above, catechism can be included in family worship, but it doesn’t have to just be exclusive to that time, and you can have fun with it! If you have multiple kids, you can have family competitions with who has questions and responses memorized. You can listen to catechism songs on car rides. You can even use catechism as fun little passwords to other things. For example, don’t eat your food until you answer the question, “What are God’s works of providence?” It starts to get really fun when kids turn this around on you! I can’t tell you how many times my oldest will block a doorway and not let me pass until I’ve answered, “What is the chief end of man?”
Final Thoughts
The encouraging reality of all four of these things is that it really doesn’t take all that much time. This isn’t a bunch of extra “stuff” on your plate that will fill your evenings. If you structure things well, you will still have time for exercise, personal reading, playtime, entertainment, and getting together with friends. I’d like to suggest that, while it doesn’t require much extra time, it does require two things: Intentionality and presence. It requires the intentionality of thinking through how and when you do these things. Once you hit a routine, the structure becomes habitual and automatic, and it just feels normal. It also requires presence. All four of these things require that families put distractions aside to focus on the time with each other. This requires the sacrifice or putting off of entertainment on phones or devices to direct your attention towards your children. Intentionality and presence are two things that are simple but not easy. It is a daily battle to prioritize the right things, put first things first, and have rightly ordered loves. I want to encourage you all to fight that daily battle, as it will be a powerful testimony to the world of the glory of Christ!
